therealkfish

There are very few things that I can say that I truly hate. In fact, off the top of my head I can think of only two, and these two may even be able to be condensed down into one umbrella hatred. For the purposes of this post, however, I’ll give them each their own independent existence. I hate:

-Laziness

-Lack of Initiative

I write this now because I am guilty of both. There’s no Casey Anthony justice system failure in this one, no hung jury, nothing. I am indefensibly guilty on both counts.

In the last 103 days I have written a grand total of one blog post. That’s one quarter of a year with a single post to my name. The worst part is that this post was an excuse, a stay tuned message utterly devoid of captivating content, lacking entirely any modicum of critical thought or artistry. “Hey world, I’m still alive.” It should have said something along the lines of “Hello world, I have been incredibly lazy and will use this as an excuse to forget entirely the things that really matter to me while I get caught up in bullshit activities that don’t mean much.” That would have been a much fairer assessment of how I have been spending my time. And not only have I allowed this neglect to reach its infertile fingers into the microcosm of this blog, but (more importantly) it has halted my music production like a truckload of cocaine at the border. Why? Well here is where I start explaining that I have been working and going to school and interning and that August is the first time since January that all I have on my plate is working full time. But for what? That’s all true, but it’s all bullshit. People make time for the things they love, and let me assure you, I am in love with words and music. So what is it then? Honest answer:

Laziness and lack of initiative.

I have used the excuse of being busy with other things (my “life” getting in the way) as a means to shirk the responsibilities I have to do what I love. Yes, responsibilities. Writing, both music and prose, is something I not only enjoy, but am skilled in. I hold myself completely accountable for pushing myself and continually pursuing greatness in the things I am passionate about. Lately, I have hardly even given myself the respect of sitting down to do them. This is completely unacceptable. What could possibly be more important than doing the things that set my soul on fire? Going to school? Working? Interning?

Fuck that.

I have not finished anything that I’ve started in 2011. Not one thing. I’ve been floating amidst the fuzzy, comfortable waves of the status quo, perpetuating my own laziness with excuses and creating nothing of value. The two things I can say I truly hate have replaced the burning furnace of creativity that I pride myself on.

But they won’t anymore.